Pastors are people.  They are also sinners.  The truth is, ministers are not any different from the rest of us.  They have likes and dislikes, hobbies, families, leaky faucets, and all of that.  They get crabby and have bad days.  We all know ministers are human, but we tend to forget it too.  You hear stories from other churches about a member who left a church because “the minister frowned at me.”

  Your relationship with our pastor, then, should begin with the recognition that the pastor is another person who is not all that different from anyone else, including you.

  It should begin with another fact.  Our relationship with our pastor is an important one, and it is different from other relationships.  It is based on the pastor’s role, which is to provide spiritual guidance and pastoral care to us.  The pastor’s role is also to help Holly Presbyterian Church to be the best, strongest, and most faithful church it can be.  This means that we have different relationships with our pastor at different moments, often in the same week.  Our pastor is sometimes a colleague, sometimes a teacher, sometimes a counselor, and sometimes just a friend.

 At all times, we are the pastor’s parishioners, which means that our pastor feels a special responsibility for us.  She or he and we ourselves never know when we may suddenly need pastoral care, comfort, and guidance.

  It is important for each of us as members of Holly Presbyterian Church to consciously develop a healthy relationship with our pastor.  The pastor has that responsibility, too, but too often we pay more attention to how the pastor treats us than how we treat the pastor.  In a healthy relationship, both sides work at the relationship and contribute to it.  Where a church and its members care for and love their minister, the church will find that the pastor is more able to care for and love the members.

  The golden rule applies: treat your pastor as you want your pastor to treat you!

  It won’t be too long until Holly Presbyterian Church has a new pastor.  There are some things that each of us can do to develop a strong, healthy relationship with our new pastor.

  Recognize that Holly Presbyterian Church needs to change and change a lot if it is going to “make it” in the 21st century.  Encourage our pastor to experiment and give honest feedback on what you feel works and doesn’t work.  Help create a “climate for change” that encourages the pastor to take some risks for the sake of our church’s future.

  Let our new pastor be the person she or he is.  Our past ministers each had their ways of doing things, and each of them was a unique individual.  Refrain from comparisons.  We need to be especially careful not to make comparisons with the last couple of years when we had an interim minister.  The work of an interim minister is quite different from that of our regular pastor.

  From time to time give the pastor an encouraging word or two; drop him or her a card of appreciation.

  Give the pastor feedback on sermons and worship services.  It helps the pastor to know when a sermon touches you or informs you.  If there is something that disturbs you, the pastor also needs to know that.  Be sure to give your criticism in a constructive way.

  Find time to share your concerns about and hopes for Holly Presbyterian Church with our pastor.

  It sometimes happens that we don’t hit it off right away with a new pastor.  It is the rare person who can be “all things to all people.”  It is also a normal part of human relationships to feel different things about a person at different times.  Indeed, we sometimes feel different things about the same person at the same time.  We see that person’s strengths and limitations, and we realize that often a person’s limitations are the “flip side” of their strengths.  For example, pastors who are very good at pastoral care and dealing with people’s feelings may not be that great at administration.

  The point is that we not only should be patient with our pastor’s weaknesses and humanity, but we also should be patient with ourselves as well.  Don’t expect that you’re going to love everything about the new pastor and don’t get discouraged when the relationship isn’t quite what you’d like it to be.

  What’s our goal?  What’s a healthy relationship?  As in all of our meaningful relationships, what we’re looking for is one that is based on trust, patience, and respect.  Such relationships don’t happen overnight.  And they are not one-way streets.

  So remember, do unto the pastor, as you would have the pastor do unto you.■